The Things I Never Said
by Wiz-Chic
Summary: So, this is a TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY Peter Guillam/his boyfriend ONE-SHOT. There is unfortunately no category for this film, so I figured the second best place to post it was here. Please don't hate me! Basically this is about Peter going back to see the man, his boyfriend that he had to abandon, one last time.


**Alright y'all, this is my first homosexual fic, lol. So just… bare with me, I hope it's good. In the movie, Peter's boyfriend doesn't really have a name- so here I'm going to call him Richard. **

**This is for Forever-adream who has made me gifs at the drop of a hat, no questions asked. **

**This is my thanks you.**

He'd been watching.

For months, he'd been watching.

"_If there's someone else, you can tell me, you know …I am a grown-up." _Those words hadn't left Peter's mind from the moment they'd left Richard's lips before dropping his keys on the glass table with a loud _clank_, leaving Peter alone so sob in his own anguish.

Peter felt a familiar sting behind his eyes as he took a drag from his cigarette; he blew the smoke through his nose as he rested the back of his head against the tree.

He hated himself sometimes.

He hated himself for choosing his work. For choosing this life alone.

For not choosing Richard.

But the risk, he reminded himself, the risk was… too great. In keeping Richard he would have been found out, blackmailed into doing God only knows what that went against queen and country. He knew if such a thing were to happen, he wouldn't be able to look at himself in the mirror again.

…Not that he could do much looking now. All he could see was Richard's face and the look of disappointment and betrayal he'd given him before walking out.

"_You have to leave."_ Peter had said to him as he stood in the kitchen. _"This… whatever this is, it just isn't working for me anymore." _Peter looked at Richard numbly who stared back at him shock etched on his face- wasn't it just last night that Peter had wrapped his arms around him in bed and lulled him to sleep after declaring his love for him about a hundred times over? Peter swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing, "_I'm sorry._" He'd whispered.

Not a moment later had Richard gone into the bedroom silently with Peter watching his every move as he packed his belongings. He hadn't said a word, only once to inquire after a casual shirt that he couldn't seem to find, to which Peter only shrugged, unable to verbally communicate anything at all. …They both knew Peter had kept it.

"_If there's someone else, you can tell me…" _

Peter shook his head violently, putting his cigarette out on the tree, shoving his eye-length blond locks out of his eyes. He had to snap out of it. He had to move on to the past. He had to move on from Richard…

His spine straightened and his face grew stern as he caught sight of what he'd been waiting for, he hid half of his body behind the tree watching with a queasy feeling in his stomach.

_Him._ Peter thought as he watched with disdain as the man left Richard's flat. He'd been going in 4 times a week. It was clear to Peter that they were serious.

He hated himself, now, especially, more than ever before.

Peter waited, watching the man walk down the street away from Richard's place.

Today was going to be different. Today Peter wouldn't go back home and cry himself to sleep like the other nights. No.

Tonight, either Peter would have to get Richard, or get over Richard. But he was certainly not going to walk away empty handed again.

When Peter walked up the stairs of the flat, he was not surprised to find the front door unlocked. He was certain Richard knew he'd been watching… he wanted Richard to know he'd been watching.

"Enjoy yourself, then?" Peter said loudly, knowing he was heard loud and clear. He made his way upstairs, his anger growing with the stomp of each step before reaching Richard's room.

There he sat, typing away on his typewriter with nothing on but a pair of brown slacks and suspenders against his bare chest. "Took you long enough, figured you'd never come inside." He said.

"Didn't want to interrupt," Peter replied casually, "I could hear you _fucking_ from the park."

Richard stood up and turned around to face his ex-lover, "Your work's already changed you a bit, has it? You're much more rougher around the edges now… not the man I used to know."

"Neither are you." He stated with hard icy eyes, "you were never this cruel before-"

"That was before you had me fall in love with you only to drop me like a fly at a moment's notice."

Peter winced, it was true- wasn't it? He could've left his work, he supposed… but he didn't.

He didn't.

"…I loved you too, Richard. It's just-"

"You loved someone else more?"

"What? No, no there was no one else. I wouldn't be here if there was someone else."

"Is that so?"

Richard still didn't believe him, but it didn't matter now, did it?

"…I can smell his cheap cologne in here. I can still smell him on you." Peter said with distain looking around the messed up room that was still fresh from sex, "Has he got a name, this new fellow of yours? Hm?" he took a step forwards, unable to control his jealousy any longer.

"His name is Jonathan… he loves me." Richard said fearlessly. "He chooses me over everything else… he always chooses me."

Peter and Richard were no more than inches away, Peter towered over his ex while nodding his head. "I know… I know he does."

A moment of silence passed between them, "…and do you hate us for it, Peter?"

"Let me ask you this…" Peter placed his large palm along his jaw and spoke viciously, "is he as good as me?"

Richard slapped Peter's hand away and shoved his body from him, marching away angrily, "You're such an awful person sometime Peter, you and your _fucking_ mouth! You have no right to ask me that-"

"It's cause you know he's not!" He bellowed heatedly, "You know that no matter how much you're with him, or how much he's with you- every time you'll _always_ think of me just like I always think of you-!"

Peter's words were cut off by a harsh slap to his cheek that stung and burn almost as bad as his words did. They looked at each other wide-eyed for no more than a moment before their lips crashed into one another. All of their anger, their hurt, their frustration towards each other came out in a dance between their lips and tongues.

Within seconds neither was in anything but their underwear, hungrily lapping at each other like animals. Peter took to biting on Richard's lips in between kissed as Richard pulled his hair in painful tugs, making Peter's eyes water with ecstasy.

They could feel the other's pulsating manhood pressed up against each other, hard as rocks and aching to be touched. Richard moaned into Peter's mouth as Peter began to rock his hips in tandem with his tongue, which was making long slick licks in and out of Richard's mouth, mimicking what he wanted to do to him.

But things were different this time; they weren't the same people any longer. Usually, Peter took the lead, but this time… no. Richard wanted… something else…

He wanted Peter on his knees.

Richard grabbed Peter and forced him to turn around, breaking their kiss. They could feel their lips aching heavily as they swelled. Peter understood what was going to happen now… he wanted it too.

He needed it.

Without a word, Peter reached down and took off his underwear freeing his heavy member to bounce momentarily before making its way up towards his stomach. He could hear the man behind him rid himself of his undergarment as well.

He faced the large couch-chair and sat on it backwards with his face against the chair and with his knees against the arms, his legs spread slightly and his head bent forward. He felt Richard standing behind him, rubbing his backside with his palm softly. Peter shivered as Richard smacked his arse once.

Simultaneously, Peter felt himself stretched and filled from behind while his hair was pulled forcing him to crane his long neck back. He hissed and moaned in the pain and pleasure of it all as Richard took charge and grabbed Peter from the front, pulling and rubbing him until he was mad with pleasure as he was taken from behind, ridden until he screamed from the top of his lungs only to be followed by Richard.

Minutes later, Peter felt sticky as his wet face was against the chair with Richard wrapped around his back, his head against his shoulder as he was still inside him, now growing soft as they were both spent, breathing heavily.

Moment's of silence passed between them, the room had grown soft and quiet.

"…There was no one else." Peter said.

"…There was your work." Richard replied, still heartbroken. He buried his face in the back of Peter's neck, attempting to hold back his emotion.

"I'm sorry." He whispered sincerely.

Richard placed a warm kiss right on Peter's pulsing vein where his neck and shoulders met.

"I know. …Me too."

This time, the roles were reversed, as Peter was the one getting dressed and ready to leave and Richard sat and watched.

"Are you going to be ok?" Richard asked.

Peter nodded his head, "Are you?"

"Yes." He took a deep breath. "…I love Jonathan." He hated saying those words to Peter, it was like he'd just hammered in the final nail on the coffin of their relationship. It was done now, and they both knew it.

"I know." He replied, "…I think that's why I'm ok now." Peter took two steps to Richard and placed his long fingers against his cheek speaking softly, "I can let go now, of you, now that I know you're _really _taken care of… much better than I ever could take care of you…"

Richard opened his mouth to retort or reply, but Peter didn't let him as he bent down and placed his lips atop his once more in a last kiss. Pulling away Peter wasn't crying, but was surprised to find that Richard was. "Goodbye." Peter said.

He grabbed his coat and fixed his tie before walking out of the bedroom door, out of the apartment, and out of Richard's life… this time, for good.

**Alright! I hope that was descent. Remember it was my first attempt at a Man on Man fic. Comments are always welcome! I hope I did ok on this one. **

**Much love! **

**Wiz-chic **


End file.
